Faith, Questions & 2010

This past year began with a lot of questions. It's been a year with seemingly no rhyme or reason, settling in at church and work, comfortable in who I am, while at the same time being asked to step out with faith in some ways that honestly scare me.

It's been a year of ups and downs, with time flying by sometimes, and other times dragging on, feeling like life will go on the same way forever. It's offered me a lot of decisions. Held a few awesome road trips, a bunch of great friends and plenty of new experiences. 

It's been a good year.

Christmas time '10
with my best friend and sister

Learning to worship God with all that I am, just because He is worthy, is an incredible experience. Praising Him just because I know He is awesomely faithful, whether everything seems to be going my way or not. Because I have tasted and seen that He is good. Seen Him provide time and again. Witnessed the amazing ways He takes what seems hopelessly broken and fashions something beautiful beyond imagination. Watched disappointments often turn out to be wiser answers to my prayers than my dreams ever were.

Some answers I'm still waiting on. But if I've come away from 2010 with nothing else, I know this: My God is greater than fear, pain or obstacles. Greater than my plans and dreams.

He is the Master Designer, who will fulfill His purposes for my life. He loves through every season of doubt or failure. Gives peace for today and brilliant hope for tomorrow. He doesn't give up on me.

I've mulled over this quote a lot, because it captures my thoughts better than I can:

“I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time.” -Timothy Keller, The Reason For God

I don't want to waste this Love, or keep it all to myself. I want to place the kind of value on each person that Jesus does, to not give up on them. I want to make a difference, to pass His love on. I don't want to live a little life. And I don't want to love just a little, either. After all, my God loved with everything He had, everything He was. Whether it was well-received or spat back in His face. He loved anyway.

That is what I want to do. These are my ambitions for the new year.

To know my God better. To learn to really love others. To step out of my "boat" when Jesus calls, "Come." Even when I'm scared to cross the sea in front of me. I know Who called me and that He won't let me drown.

I've still got questions. Lots of them. But I know God is piecing together this puzzle into a spectacular masterpiece, and I'm really excited to see what He's going to do in 2011!

Chris Tomlin's "Our God" would have to be my summary song of 2010.

Water You turned into wine
Opened the eyes of the blind
There's no one like You
None like You
Into the darkness You shine
Out of the ashes we rise
There's no one like You
None like You

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God, You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

Nothing is greater than my God.

This is the God that goes ahead into this year.