When Life is a Question Mark

I have an awful lot of questions.

Me in Thornbury, ON, Fall 2010. Photography by Melody Whitney.

I may not have always asked them out loud, for fear of sounding silly, but for as long as I can remember I've looked at everyday objects, wondered who invented it and how they thought it up. I look at a word and am curious as to how it came to be. When told of God's love, I try to comprehend how could He really see me as blemish-free, and love me not conditioned on my performance. At times, I dare myself, for a split second, to prove whether laws of gravity and physics actually hold true in every case, but my fortunately my brain (or maybe just my self-preservation instinct) kicks in rather swiftly and I disregard the foolish notions.

My sisters have looked at me strange if I would dare to voice my questions out loud. "Wow, you have a strange mind. Where do you come up with these thoughts? It's how it is, so I don't even think about it."

So, most of the time I keep my questions locked inside my head, or silently turn to Google or dictionary.com for answers.

But... *gasp* Google isn't providing the answers to all my questions these days!

What should I be doing with my life? 


Should I go to college? What should I study? How will I pay for everything? 

What if I don't find "the right somebody to love" (as Shirley Temple put it) for a long time… or never?

What if I end up as a career woman all my life, and never have a family of my own?

What if I choose a career and end up hating it? 


How can I make a difference, whether by career, volunteer projects and ministries, or just in the lives of family and those I meet every day?


How can I find and maintain passion and purpose in life, through EVERY season?


These are some of the questions weighing on my heart in this time of entering adulthood. Sometimes it feels more like breaking and entering, like it's a foreign place where I'm not sure I belong.

These are things that have kept me running to God.

Crying.

Searching.

Clinging.

Waiting.

These are what pull me closer to His heart, until I'm near enough to feel His heartbeat. Close enough to hear Him whisper, "I love you," as His embrace assures me that it's going to be okay. Close enough to realize that He would never leave me abandoned or cause me pain unnecessarily.

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11)

He is good. I know this much. The rest? Does it really matter so much whether I know?

I know He's led me this far.

He's gonna continue.

The most beautiful shade of red...

"Be Mine" the words said
Written in the most beautiful shade of red.
Never before had her eyes beheld
Nor, in the depths of her heart, had she felt
This kind of feeling before.
She wanted to know more.
She read on quickly with excitement
And in amazement her soul leapt
As the words made it all so clear,
The very thing she needed to hear.
"I love you more than life,
My Dear, and in My love there is no fear.
You see, it was for this Holy love
That I gave My life and shed My blood.
I've given freely, to you, this treasure,
This gift which is beyond measure."
Could it be true, her eyes opened wide.
For it was at that moment she realized
The emptiness she had felt inside
Would now be wholly, completely satisfied
With this love, offered without cost.
It was true. She had been lost.
"There is only one thing I must ask of you."
"What is it?" she asked. "Anything I will do."
"Be mine and only mine, you must give me your life,
It's kind of like becoming my wife.
You'll be my bride and I will come back for you.
And I want you to be ready in all that you do."
Her answer was "Yes" and in those words,
The angels singing in heaven could be heard.
"Be Mine" the words said with sacrificial love
Written and sealed in her Saviour's blood.
—Author Unknown

His Way is Perfect

When my way seems dark and drear, and the future I don't know
My heart feels so empty as the tears unending flow
When my heart breaks with sorrow and a tempest fills my soul
This one thing I know for sure: My God is in control.

His way is perfect; His way is perfect
Though I don't understand His wise and loving plan
His way is perfect; His way is perfect
Take my life and make a vessel purified
God makes no mistakes— His way is best.

When the toils of life are come and my heart is worn with care,
I faint 'neath the burden of a cross I cannot bear.
When the joy has departed from my sorrow-stricken soul,
This one thing I know for sure: my God is in control.

His way is perfect; His way is perfect
Though I don't understand His wise and loving plan
His way is perfect; His way is perfect
Take my life and make a vessel purified
God makes no mistakes— His way is best.

—Betsy Kistler

His Eye is On the Sparrow...

As always—because I need the exhortation/encouragement myself.

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

I sing because I'm happy!
I sing because I'm free!
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

—Civilla D. Martin

Springs in the Wildernsss

I was listening to a message online titled Surviving the Desert, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (a Christian speaker for women) of Revive Our Hearts Radio. A friend directed me to the message, and, since it was less than 25 minutes long, I listened to it right away!

I've appreciated what I've heard/read by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and this message was no exception. In it, she offers Biblical advice so you can not only survive the desert experiences, but actually thrive in them!

If you have a few minutes, I'd recommend you listen to it yourself, even if you don't feel you are going through a "desert time" in your life. If you don't have the time now, perhaps bookmark it and listen to/read it a little later!

When the poor and needy seek water,
and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst,
I the LORD will hear them,
I the God of Israel will not forsake them.

I will open rivers in high places,
and fountains in the midst of the valleys:
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
and the dry land springs of water.

That they may see, and know,
and consider, and understand together,
that the hand of the LORD hath done this,
and the Holy One of Israel hath created it.

(Isaiah 41:17-18, 20)

The Master Weaver's Plan

My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me
I may not choose the colours –
He knows what they should be
For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side
While I can see it only
From this, the underside.

Sometimes He weaveth sorrow,
Which seemeth strange to me;
But I will trust His judgement,
And work on faithfully;
'Tis He who fills the shuttle,
And He knows what is best,
So I shall weave in earnest,
Leaving to Him the rest.

Not 'til the loom is silent,
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why;
The dark threads are as needed,
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

—Author Unknown

I Will Tell My Griefs to Him

All my griefs by Him are ordered
Needful is each one for me,
Every tear by Him is counted,
One too much there cannot be;
And if when they fall so thickly
I can own His way is right,
Then each bitter tear of anguish
Precious is in Jesus' sight.

For too well my Saviour loved me
To allow my life to be
One long, calm, unbroken summer,
One unruffled, stormless sea;
He would have me fondly nestling
Closer to His loving breast,
He would have that world seem brighter
Where alone is perfect rest.

Though His wise and loving purpose,
I cannot yet clearly see,
I believe with faith unshaken,
All will work for good to me;
Therefore when my way is gloomy,
And my eyes with tears are dim,
I will go to God my Father,
I will tell my griefs to Him!

—Author Unknown

A Rose From Brier

Thou hast not that, My child, but thou hast Me;
And am not I alone enough for thee?
I know it all, know how thy heart was set
Upon this joy which is not given yet.

And well I know how though the wistful days
Thou walkest all the dear familiar ways
As unregarded as a breath of air;
But there in love and longing, always there.

I know it all; but from thy brier shall blow
A rose for others. If it were not so
I would have told thee. Come, then, say to Me:
"My Lord, my Love, I am content with Thee."

—Amy Carmichael

Thou Hast Made It , and Thou Dost Know

I'm not sure where this story originated, but the point is excellent.

"I need oil," said a man, so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the man, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee." And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the man. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost, but at evening it died.

Then the man sought the abode of a brother, and told his strange experience. "I, too, planted a little tree," the brother said, "and see! It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to its God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. I fixed not way or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou hast made it Thou dost know.'"

I Could Not Do Without Thee

Well, it's a little later into May than I'd figured on. But I'm trying to finish up grade 12, so this blog will have to take a backseat for a few months. In other words, I probably won't be posting much orginal content on here for the moment, but I'll try to post stuff like the following song with some degree of regularity - things by others that have encouraged me.

I love this song:

I could not do without Thee
Oh Saviour of the lost,
Whose precious blood redeemed me
At such tremendous cost.
Thy righteousness, thy pardon
Thy precious blood, must be
My only hope and comfort,
My glory and my plea.

I could not do without Thee,
I cannot stand alone,
I have no strength or goodness,
No wisdom of my own;
But Thou, beloved Saviour,
Art all in all to me,
And weakness will be power
If leaning hard on Thee.

I could not do without Thee,
For, oh, the way is long,
And I am often weary,
And sigh replaces song:
How could I do without Thee?
I do not know the way;
Thou knowest, and Thou leadest,
And wilt not let me stray.

I could not do without Thee,
O Jesus, Saviour dear;
E’en when my eyes are holden,
I know that Thou art near.
How dreary and how lonely
This changeful life would be,
Without the sweet communion,
The secret rest with Thee!

I could not do without Thee;
No other friend can read
The spirit’s strange deep longings,
Interpreting its need;
No human heart could enter
Each dim recess of mine,
And soothe, and hush, and calm it,
O blessed Lord, but Thine.

--Frances Ridley Havergal, 1873

Truly Our All In All

Relationships. Ah, that wonderful thing we all crave. Be it a good friend, or a special someone, life is dull without someone to share it with, right?

We all want someone with whom we can cry, laugh, and share our hearts... someone who will love us unconditionally. And, we all need friends. Don't we? We think we do. After all, God made us to have meaningful relationships. Our desires are God given. He ingrained a need for companionship into our nature.

But only One Person can completely fulfill that need. The only absolutely necessary friendship is with One Friend. All others will fail us at some point. Until we are finding our fulfillment and worth in Christ, He may take away friends. He may choose to withhold our dreams from us.

We say that He is our All in All, but do we mean it, from our heart? His purpose is to bring us to the point where we are content with Him alone, willing that He bring anything, take anything in our life, and we still say "Blessed be the name of the Lord." If that means taking away our earthly "idols," that is what He will do. Until we find that He is sufficient. He is enough to meet every need, fulfill every longing. He is the only one who will truly love us unconditionally.

So, why won't these desires go away? Either God wants to fulfill them, or He has a higher purpose. A friend showed me some verses (Deut. 8:2-3), and they've been such a help and encouragement to me! I think they show quite clearly what sort of purpose He has is mind:

"And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no. And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth
not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live."

So, He's allowing these desires to see if I love Him more? He wants to see if I will do what I know is right, and come to Him with my heart? He wants me to find my worth and fulfillment in Him alone? Maybe He's saying, "Marissa, lovest thou Me? If you love Me, keep My commandments. I know it's hard, but I didn’t say it would be easy. I said I am with you."

The King of kings has promised to be with me, and He is faithful that promised. He cares enough to be my Friend, to take part in every detail of my life. All the love, encouragement, and affirmation I really need I can find in His Word and in prayer. Why do I so often insist He not enough? Well, He's still working on me. I want my prayer always to be, as Elizabeth Prentiss, "More love to Thee!" If He should call me to a life with only Him by my side, He will give grace to live it joyfully.

Printed December 2005, Hidden Wisdom Magazine, Vol.69. (See text at bottom of page for more information.)